Working is for suckers

I'm sure you're wondering what happened to me this week, and I wish I could say it was a candy-induced sugar coma (don't those little fun-size candy bars mean that you can eat ten of them guilt-free?), but the sad truth is I've been working.

My editor got back to me with her requested changes for "I Did (But I Wouldn't Now" and I've been furiously working on those while also finishing up a couple of short stories, doing some freelance work, and oh yes, writing that pesky Bard Academy. I think, given all my free time, I might just also try curing cancer and maybe balancing our federal budget. Better yet, since Harriet Miers stepped down, perhaps I could be nominated to sit on the Supreme Court. I do have pretty strong opinions, and I probably could get some really smart Harvard law students to do all the real work for me. That's it - Cara Lockwood for Supreme Court Justice. My tagline could be "I have at least as much experience as Harriet Miers. I was never a judge either!"

Seriously, I have hardly had any time to do anything fun, even watch the finale of Taradise. (oh, Tara, we'll miss your drunken escapades - especially those of us, like me, who use you as an excuse for why we don't actually have drinking problems). What can I say? I'm all work and no play.

On that note - happy halloween, everybody! Eat lots of chocolate and do something fun that doesn't involve a) criminal activity or b) losing any self-respect. This includes dressing up for 'ho'lloween, wearing a latex nurse's outfit and dancing to "Funky Cold Medina" on the bar in stripper platforms. Trust me, anything that seems like a good idea after a few shots, is not a good idea.

Happy Halloween!

Happy 'Ho-lloween?

Halloween season is upon us, and this means only one thing: how skimpy an outfit are you going to buy this year? Is it just me, or has Halloween become the night we all try to out skank each other?

Should we blame Elvira? Or is it just because secretly we all want to wear fishnet stockings and stripper's clear platform heels?

My second (related) problem with Halloween is - why is it so expensive? Since when does a skirt that barely covers your butt and fishnet stockings run you $50? It's getting to be a little ridiculous.

But then again, maybe I'm just jealous because my Halloweens are usually so lame. On your typical Halloween, "dressing up" for me involves a pair of cat ears and a black velour jogging suit (the elastic waistband comes in very handy for all those mini-candy bars I'm going to eat). It also involves me watching a scary movie on television and devouring an entire bowl of trick or treat candy.

On a good night, I get maybe one trick or treater, but I always feel like I should be prepared with at least two pounds of candy just in case. I guess I live in mortal fear that a busload of trick or treaters will show up on my doorstep (a condo building filled with retirees) and I'll not have any candy and have to do something lame like give them boxes of high-fiber, low-sugar cereal.

By the way, for a laugh, my friend sent me a link to this costume. Yes, there really is a place that sells a space vampire costume. Don't ask me what it is. I have no idea. But it's funny. Definitely funny.

The Next Judy Blume?

So, I've started my next novel (already) because I've signed my soul away to Simon Schuster. Kidding! I'm kidding. The next novel is a slight departure from my previous books, in that it's a) aimed at teens and b) has a supernatural element. I know what you're thinking - have I gone insane? And, like my husband says, "What do you know about being a teenager?!"

Well, it goes without saying that I'm a very immature 32-year-old, but does this alone qualify me to write a book for teens? I don't know, but I am having fun. I can tell you that it's a lot more fun to write about the teen years than live them, that's for sure. The story is about a boarding school for troubled teens called Bard Academy, where things aren't as they should be. (Cue dramatic, slightly creepy music). Fear not, I'm still keeping plenty of humor - because, come on, I can't take things too seriously.

And don't worry - if you like my old books, I'm hoping you will like this one, too. It's still a lot of fun, even if the protagonist is 15. Come on, every one of us has an inner-15-year-old. She's the one who always wants to go to the mall and not do chores. Have we really come that far?

Taradise Lost

Okay, so I'm a total slacker. I haven't posted since Thursday! And yes, this has everything to do with the fact that I went out after the signing Thursday and had some wine and didn't feel like doing much Friday morning except popping Advil and moving very, very slowly.

Anyhow, thanks to all the cool chicks who came out Thursday. We had a great time. Clearly, I had too much of a good a time, but that goes without saying.

Speaking of drunken escapades, one of many celebs that helps me feel like I don't have a drinking problem, Tara Reid, got bad news last week. Her travel show, Taradise, has been cancelled. How tragic! I had only just begun to make fun of poor (misunderstood) party girl Tara Reid, and now she's leaving us. Apparently, she's complaining that producers of Taradise didn't accurately portray her in the show, choosing edits that fed the stereotypes of her as a party girl. Her words? They portrayed her as a "total party-girl drug retard."

Where did we ever get that idea? Maybe it was the pictures (see above) of her grinding on the dance floor. I don't know. I'm just guessing.

Look, I sympathize. Who among us wants a camera following us around after we swig a few drinks and spend an hour on the dance floor? I don't know any mascara that can hold up to that.

But, honestly, I want to know what's going to happen to her shoes. Since she signed on with Taradise, they've had their very own hotel suite, and now they're going to be homeless. I wonder if she'll offer some of them up for adoption. I would offer to become a parent to a pair of her stilettos, but I only have one guest room, not a hotel suite.

Think of the shoes! It's very sad, indeed.

Girls' Night Out

Okay, somebody call CNN. I know that Anderson Cooper will want this scoop. I have a reason to get out of my pajamas and actually get dressed in something that doesn't have an elastic waistband. Hooray!

Tonight, I'll be making an appearance tonight at Borders Books on Clark (and Diversey) at 7:30 p.m. with a few other fabulous local authors including Laura Caldwell (Burning the Map), Stacey Ballis (Inappropriate Men) and Jennifer O'Connell (Bachelorette #1).

That's:

Borders
2817 North Clark St.
Chicago, Illinois
Thursday, October 13, 7:30 p.m.

And if that's not enough of a draw for you, I heard a rumor they're going to be passing out coupons for free steaks at Mon Ami Gabi. Chicks 'n Steak. What else do you need for a good time? On second thought, don't answer that.

Hope to see you there!

We Are Family

Sorry for the delay about new posts! I've been in Dallas for a mini-Tanamachi reunion (see the women of my Dad's side of the family here). The one thing everyone should notice is that yes, I'm short - but guess what! It's genetic! Amazing.


Anyhow, my cousin is far left, then grandmother, then me, then my aunt, great aunts, aunt and stepmother. By the way, doesn't my 82-year-old grandmother look fantastic? Here's hoping I have her genes for the long haul.

First Glimpse of "I Did (But I Wouldn't Now)"

Here's your first glimpse at the cover of the new book "I Did (But I Wouldn't Now)," the spin-off to "I Do (But I Don't)." It's a wink at the first book (that had the wedding dresses). Of course, "I Did" follows Lauren's quirky younger sister, Lily. Look for the book this spring (probably May 2006)!

By the way, thanks to everyone who came to the chat online Monday. I had great fun! I always love to pretend I actually know what I'm talking about! If you'd like a summary of the chat, you can go to my agent's blog, http://knightagency.blogspot.com

Live Chat Tonight!

Have you got questions for me? Things you're dying to know (that are PG-rated)? Well, I'm going to be having a live chat tonight. My agent, Deidre Knight, has live chats with her clients every Monday. Tonight I'm featured. For more information, check out her blog http://knightagency.blogspot.com/. I'll be on at 9 p.m. EDT, 8 p.m. Eastern.

Done and Done-r

So, after a mammoth cram-fest I have finally finished the draft my new book, I Did (But I Wouldn't Now)."

This means I don't have to run off to Argentina with my book advance, as I had so feared. It's a good thing, too, because I don't speak Spanish.

More importantly, this also means that I *might* once again have a life that doesn't involve being attached to my laptop 24/7. I'll be sending the draft to my editor (the divine Lauren McKenna) tomorrow, and I'll wait patiently for her comments (read: slack mercilessly and catch up on all that good Vh-1 programming I've been missing).

And of course, I'll be starting my next book. It's a slight deviation from past works. It's a teen book (or YA if you're into that hip publishing lingo). It doesn't "officially" have a title yet, but it's about a bunch of misfits who are sent away to a boarding school for trouble teens called Bard Academy. But before I do, I'll be letting my muscles atrophy on the couch for the next ten hours. I plan not to get up except to get snacks.

By the way, congratulations to Carrie, Shannon, Janice, and Sara. Their generous Red Cross donations have won them signed copies of "I Do (But I Wouldn't Now)." Instant karma! Thanks for donating guys. You're the best.