Red Carpet, How I Love Thee

So, after watching hours and hours of playoff football with my husband over the weekend, my time for revenge was at hand. Monday night, I had control of the TV to watch the Golden Globes, or as I like to call it, the AFC Championship of Drunk Celebrities.

This year, however, the Big Show wasn't the Golden Globes at all, but the pre-show on E! where Isaac Mizrahi, stylist guru, proved that no question was too personal. After asking all the actresses about their underwear (and whether or not they were wearing any), he asked Eva Longoria if she had a Brazilian and fondled Scarlett Johansson's boobs in the name of investigating Valentino's built-in shelf support system. All I can say is that for a gay man, Mizrahi shows an unusual interest in actresses' nether regions.

I'm not sure if he was on drugs, or looking for them, since he rifled through so many purses, as if hoping to find a dime bag or two. I'm not sure who's worse. Mizrahi or Joan Rivers (who was notorious for forgetting nominees' names or putting them in the wrong movie). But still, you have to give Mizrahi credit for mixing things up a bit. I suppose I might want to rifle through Terri Hatcher's clutch, too, if I had to hear the catch phrase "It takes a village" 1,000 times by different actresses in reference to getting ready for the Globes.

The Red Carpet antics were so good, I couldn't help but be disappointed by the actual show. This, of course, happens every year. Kudos to Harrison Ford, though, for bringing his drink on stage. It was the best reminder that these are the drunk version of the Oscars, where it's perfectly acceptible to tell all the viewers at home you were in the bathroom when your name was announced for an award.

At any rate, the Golden Globes is just a warm-up to the Big Night: the Oscars. My husband likes to say that he "trains" himself for football playoffs by marathon TV watching/snacking. It's not easy to sit still for 8 hours. I'm taking a similar approach with the Oscars. After two hours of Globes pre-show and three hours of award ceremony, I'm in good shape for the Oscars. Then again, it's sad when I have to "get in shape" for sitting on the couch. But that's what happens when you don't see the inside of a gym for months.