Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Forget about 'the meaning of life,' I want to know: Are they real?

In the middle of a Dayquil bender yesterday, I happened to catch Tyra Banks' new daytime show.

For those of you who haven't seen it, here's what you missed: Tyra asking dumb questions of celebrities, Tyra showing her catwalk strut, and Tyra revealing she has a single wrinkle of fat. (She once bent over her jeans to reveal a tiny almost invisible bit of flesh that hangs over the waistband of her size zero jeans. Now, here's the thing: it's not fat if you have to sit and scrunch forward to display it. It's fat - if and only if - you're standing up and sucking in your stomach and you STILL spill over the top of your jeans. That's fat.)

But yesterday Tyra outdid herself. Apparently, tired of all the rumors she's had breast implants, she had a live sonogram on her show by a renowned plastic surgery to prove to her audience that she's 100 percent Tyra.

I just don't know where to start, really. I mean, what next? Will Ashlee Simpson get an x-ray to prove she has vocal cords? Will Lindsay Lohan take a picture of herself at Old Country Buffet to prove that she does, indeed, eat?

I don't know about you, but the question of Tyra's authenticity has been weighing on my mind pretty heavily for months. Thank goodness that's settled. Now I can focus on more important things like curing world poverty.

And guys - don't forget - if you donate at least $25 to the Red Cross or to the Bush Clinton Katrina fund for the victims of Hurricane Katrina and send me your donation receipts at cara@caralockwood.com before the end of September, you could win a signed copy of "I Do (But I Don't)." Just email me your donation receipts at cara@caralockwood.com. I'll be picking winners on October 1.

3 comments:

Deidre Knight said...

Fat=fat only if it's squeezed into an ungodly pants size. Thank you, Cara, for revealing this ridiculous moment of celulitebrity error. :)

Deidre
(So signs she of a *solidly* respectable pants size. :))

LOVE your blog!!! Woo hoo, girl.

Hoodia said...

Help me Dude, I think I'm lost..... I was searching for Elvis and somehow ended up in your blog, but you know I'm sure I saw him in a car lot yesterday, which is really strange because the last time I saw him was in the supermarket. No honest really, he was right there in front of me, next to the steaks singing "Love me Tender". He said to me (his lip was only slightly curled) "Boy, you need to get yourself a San Diego cosmetic surgery doctor ,to fit into those blue suede shoes of yours. But Elvis said in the Ghetto nobody can afford a San Diego plastic surgery doctor. Dude I'm All Shook Up said Elvis. I think I'll have me another cheeseburger. Then I'm gonna go round and see Michael Jackson and we're gonna watch a waaaay cool make-over show featuring some Tijuana dentists on the TV in the back of my Hummer. And then he just walked out of the supermarket singing. . . "You give me love and consolation,
You give me strength to carry on " Strange day or what? :-)

Anonymous said...

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