Friday, June 17, 2005

Adventures in Renovation

So, I may have mentioned that I'm getting my kitchen redone. We live in a vintage condo in Evanston, and most of the kitchen appliances are from the Nixon era, with cabinets dating back to Eisenhower.

My dad told me when I started this renovation "be patient with Daren. You're going to want to get divorced." He'd had his kitchen redone the year before and had constant fights with his wife (the six-week project took three months).

So, I knew to expect the worst. What I didn't expect was for my contractor to go on vacation mid-job (for a week!) and leave, unsupervised, a young Russian worker who speaks in a very thick accent (FYI: I have nothing against Russians, most especially the Russian Mob). He also doesn't seem concerned about basic OSHA safety practices.

Case in point: Yesterday, he brought up this huge saw and began sawing boards in my dining room. Mind you, he's not wearing safety goggles.

So, I go to lunch only to return to find a nervous Russian and a broken window. He says one of the boards "took off like bullet," traveled thirty feet at high velocity and went straight through the window. We're on the third floor. The Russian is looking a bit shaken and is saying "could've gone through eye. Guess it's my birthday today." By birthday, he meant, guess he's lucky. Then he tells me, "Dangerous, yes? You stay in other room, yes? Big saw. Dangerous."

I am filled with confidence. If I get a board through the eye, you'll know why I didn't finish Book Four.